it's been awhile

So...it's been awhile.

Life has definitely taken me on a ride the last few months.

A good ride, just a long one...full of introspection and growth. One of good days and bad.

I know a lot of people feel refreshed at the start of a new year. I am one of those people.

I love to look ahead at the year and plan.

I love to initiate change at the start of the new year.

I LOVE to clean. That is totally what these last two days have been about for me...cleaning.

Why not start the new year off with a nice clean, clutter free house?

I'm excited for what this new year will bring for my family and myself.

marathon training

I'm currently training to run a marathon in December of this year.
Training for a marathon is hard.
I know it's not near as hard as other things in life, but I have been completely frustrated with training lately.

I'm trying to learn how to understand my own body's cues to preform better, but I'm not doing so great. I don't like to listen to my body. I like to do what I want.

I've had issues with my calves hurting while I run. I thought it was my new shoes.

It wasn't. It was the "most excellent, and best insoles you should buy if you're going to run a marathon" I spent a little bit of $$ on. I finally got that issue resolved.

Then I had a tooth extracted and couldn't be physically active for a few days so I wouldn't "dislodge a blood clot."

Now I have pain in my left leg. It's nothing serious, but I don't think I should be running on it. I don't want to injure it more. I guess I'm going to rest it but that will put me behind in training. See what I mean?...frustrated.

I'm resolved to the fact that I should just do some cross training for a few days. At least that will keep me active, but still allow time for my leg to feel better.

Peds ED

Yesterday I went to work like normal and found out I was going to be shadowing a nurse in the Peds Emergency Department for the shift.
If you haven't heard me talk about it, two things:

1.)Our unit's census is down. We have no (and by no, I mean not enough to have every nurse work) patients right now which is great for the babies and families, but not so great for job security. Nurses from my unit keep having to stay home.

2.) Cross training to the Pediatric ED is something I've wanted to do for a really long time so I was super excited about the opportunity to go there and see what it was like.

Well, I really liked being down there. It's COMPLETELY different from NICU (well it was yesterday). We kept getting patients in and then getting them out. Not something I typically see at work. I hope they let me cross train for reals there. It would definitely require some retraining for me (terminology, lab values, procedures, etc), but I think it would be good for me.

family traditions

I'm trying to remember family traditions I had growing up for the 4th of July.

I know if we were at Grandma and Grandpa Bechtold's house, the fireworks would not disappoint.
If we were in Kansas, we went to Uncle Steve's.
If there was a pool around and the weather permitted, I'm pretty sure we went swimming.
I can almost always remember potato salad and cook outs with themed paper goods.
Sparklers and ice cream.

Once I started dating Scott, I went with his family to various friends' homes and then to Augusta lake for the fireworks show and homemade ice cream several years in a row.

I know my childhood allowed for the celebration of holidays in different places every year. I can't say that I remember doing the same thing every year for any holiday. But one thing I do know is we were always surround by people - family, friends, church community. I love that the 4th of July isn't just about celebrating our independence...it's about being and celebrating with community as well.

I wonder if I should implement any simple traditions for Lucy and Elly? Maybe I could get them Sparklers...are those even legal in Tucson?

summer colds

This last week has definitely been rough.

Last Monday Elly got a runny nose.
Last Tuesday Scott woke up with a scratchy throat and Lucy's nose started snotting quite a bit.
Wednesday: most of the same continued.
Thursday: Scott started running a fever while I was at work and while there I started feeling all achy.
Friday: I spent the day on the couch. Trapped because every time I tried to get up, a rush of dizziness hit me.
Saturday: I spent the day on the couch feeling better, but tired.
Sunday: once again, the couch was my friend.

Summer colds are no fun! Well colds in general aren't fun I guess. Just worse in the summer maybe. I'm a little surprised we were all hit with it so quickly.
I'm tired of feeling achy and tired. I don't really want my throat to feel as if it's on fire anymore when I swallow. yes. that would be nice.

tomorrow is going to be a better day.

jumping on the couch

Me: Girls! I think it would be a good idea to stop jumping on the couch.

giggling, screaming and jumping continues - 10 seconds time elapses

Me: Girls! Didn't you hear me?! I said I think you need to stop jumping on the couch.

jumping, laughing still continues - 10 more seconds go by

Me: Elly and Lucy! I've been nice about this, but you need to stop jumping on the couch. One or both of you is going to get hurt. Please stop!

Elly: But mom! We're playing "so you think you can jump higher than them all!"

staycation

Life has been crazy.
A whirlwind.
It's been fun...but exhausting!

After a busy year, and adjusting to Scott's new job, we were excited for summer to arrive.
It was promptly started by visits by both of our families. My parents came out over Memorial Day weekend (which I previously blogged about) and Scott's three days later for a week. We kept them busy. We had a lot of repeat activities with the Appleman's, as we had already done them with my fam, but entertaining non the less.

I decided since family visits were over, just as summer was pretty much starting, Scott and I needed to plan something - go somewhere, have a staycation. I surprised him by taking him overnight to Westward Look Resort here in Tucson for his birthday last night (I got a great summer deal!). I think we were asleep by 10:00, but we enjoyed the pool twice, the hot tub before dinner and a night knowing we weren't going to be woken up by two small people coming into our room while we were asleep or at 5:30 am.

We didn't have much conversation...the quiet was nice.

These are a few of my favorite picks of our staycation.

doofus

I've definitely had an interesting week. As some people out there already know, I've been without a phone for almost a week. And let me tell you...I feel like I've been living in the dark ages. SERIOUSLY! I'm know I'm over reacting, but still.

Last Friday, as we were leaving to go get Lucy's brace, my mind was in a million different places. I realized as we were walking out the door, that I had left my phone on our "mini-bar." I reached over the sink to get it and proceeded to drop it in a pan that was soaking in nice hot water. I immediately took it out of the water (with cat like reflexes I might add), took it apart, and threw it into a bag of rice. It didn't help. My phone was a dead. No longer my life line. What was I going to do? We couldn't afford a new one. I felt like a doofus.

A friend came through in my time of need and offered me his for as long as I needed it. Turns out, it wasn't going to be as easy to activate as we had thought, so I bought a refurbished one offline and it came today! Now I just have to work on getting all my contact numbers in. Yikes! Big job!

I did think about a lot over the last week about time spent with my phone and a few things I'm taking away from this experience are:

1. Don't drop your phone in water, or leave it in a place close to water
2. I rely waayy too much on my phone.
3. I check facebook way too often with my phone
4. I need to be ok with not having a phone from time to time.

I waste too much time just fiddling with my phone, folks and I'm going to try and be better about that.

brace day

Today was THE DAY. Today was brace day. Today we picked up Lu's brace. Not gonna lie. It's a little more intimidating that what I had pictured in my head. It's a total leg brace from the knee down.

And no real surprise here, but she does not particularly like to wear it.

We got a quick lesson in properly putting it on, cleaning it and kinds of shoes she is supposed to be wearing with it. We're going to have to invest in some new shoes, but trust me - she'll still be stylish! It's not too complicated, but it's definitely going to be a chore building up to having her keep it on all day.

She finally did warm up to it and quit complaining about it once we got to Starbucks and bought her a blended chocolate milk (which she did not drink) and an apple juice (which we kind of had to buy because she practically opened it before we knew it).

She is kind of shy about having it on. We saw the Haynes family this afternoon while she was wearing it and she kept her face in my shoulder and would hardly walk in it, but this afternoon she's sllloooowwwllyy warming up to it.

She kept it on for a straight hour.

PS - She isn't supposed to wear any kind of sandals with it, but flip-flops is all we had with us, but I think she looks darn cute!

camera ready

Yesterday, Scott and I actually saw Lucy and Elly cat fighting. One of those where the arms are swinging and smacking each other! And they were yelling, too. It was crazy. I've never actually seen someone do that in real life. I still don't know what they were fighting over. I kind of wish I had it on a video.

On a lighter note...we bought the girls a small pool for the backyard. This morning, Elly decided to streak outside and jump in. It's going to be a great summer!

Once again, I really should have my camera ready.

holiday weekend

No matter how many times I have to do it, it really is never easy saying good-bye to my family. You'd think I'd be used to it by now...I haven't lived in the same town as them since my freshman year of college, but it still makes me sad and tear up a little.

My parents came briefly for the holiday weekend. They were here less than 72 hours, but woooow! We had a full couple days. Our activities included Donut Wheel, shopping at Target and the mall, lunch at Beyond Bread, napping, Tangled, Ramona and Beezus, Tucson Padres game, the Splash Pad, a tour of the NICU, church and In N Out Burger. Oh, and Chick-fil-a on our way to the airport.

With all the activities of the weekend, one would have thought to take his/her camera to document said activities. I however, forgot. The only time I remembered to take pictures was at the Padres game. So I guess that's all the memories I have of the weekend for now. But I did get a picture with my dad...and my dad doesn't take pictures. Here are a few of our fun, BUT my mom isn't in ANY of them. I'm not sure how that happened!

Maybe next time I'll remember my camera...and actually remember to take pictures with it!

LU: a pest

I was trying to get everyone ready to go this morning so I could take Lucy to her Dr.'s appointment. After Elly asked me for the 6th time (or so) why we were taking Lucy to the doctor I reminded her again about the bump on Lucy's leg that the doctors wanted to look at. To which she replied, "mom, that bump is a pest, huh?" Perfect description, Elly. Perfect description.

Lucy actually went to see an oncologist today for the second opinion at the request of the orthopedic surgeon we had already seen. I don't want to bore everyone with details, details, details, mostly because I can't remember them all. I am awesome with remembering details...except in situations like this. However, I do want to give everyone the basic run down of what was discussed.

Lucy has a benign mass growing on her right tibia, which confirms what we already knew. The physician we saw today wants to manage her case by taking x-rays of her leg every few months. She will have to see the ortho guy at least yearly until her teens and she will have to wear the leg brace as much as she'll tolerate it for awhile (once we get it), but I'm still not sure how long that will continue. The word biopsy was thrown around today and has been thrown around at previous appointments, but I think we'll be able to hold off on that for now.

Here's a picture of Lucy's leg. I wanted to put this on here, just so everyone can see how the bump is causing her right leg to bow out.



Our family is continuing to believe in Lucy's healing. That even if the bump is there for awhile, it won't be a problem for her...that it won't turn into anything else...that she can adjust well with the changes that are about to take place for her aka "The Brace".

I feel since this whole ordeal started different verses from the Bible or lines from worship songs have resonated with me weekly. "Forever Reign" is the song I keep singing over and over this week. There's a line that says

You are here, You are here
In your presence I'm made whole
You are God You are God
Of all else I'm letting go.

I've found myself clinging to that and really proclaiming it in my life - that I would continue to let go and that God would continue to show me how He is here and He is in control.

just a phase

I'm definitely a rule follower. The thought of being in trouble while growing up would seriously make me sick to my stomach. I'm not sure if this is a personality trait or a learned behavior, but I know one thing for sure, at this point, Elly does not care about following rules.

On the way to her last ballet class of the session this morning, Elly tells me that she doesn't want to go. I gave her all the reasons why it would be good to go: her friends would be there, mommy would be in the class today watching, it was the last class for awhile...etc, etc.

I should have know that because she didn't want to be there I was asking for it. Let's just say I wouldn't let her have a sticker at the end of class and I made her apologize to the teacher for being disrespectful. I'm really glad I thought to take Miss K a "thank you" card, because I'm pretty sure her patience was wearing down.

I really hope this is just a phase.

At least I got a semi cool picture of her feet at one point.

LU: questions

Lucy Update (or LU if you will)

I went into Lucy's ortho appointment today excited to finally ask a few questions, get a few answers and most importantly - a diagnosis. However, I left with more questions and less answers.

Bottom line, there is still no definite diagnosis for the growths on Lucy's leg, yet. Because they don't want to proceed with a treatment without knowing exactly what is going on, we've been referred to get a second opinion with a physician who works in Phoenix. I'm currently in the process of getting an appointment for Lucy with him.

The biggest area of concern while we're waiting is the way the growth on Lu's leg is impacting it. There's no doubt (visible on the original x-ray and even looking at her leg) the growth is causing her bone to bow. For this reason, Lucy will soon be sporting a custom made brace on her leg as a preventative measure to help support her leg (basically so she doesn't experience any fractures).

An x-ray of Lucy's left leg was done today to make sure nothing was growing on that leg as well. I'm elated to say her left leg is perfectly healthy and normal at this time.

It's frustrating not knowing what's next. I'm continually taking deep breaths praying for God's peace to fill me. My thought processes have gone on a hundred paths today already but one thing for sure, as difficult as this is, I'm learning to take my hand out of the pot of control and trust God to take care of my little girl for me.

Lamentations 3:22-24

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;

his mercies never come to an end;

they are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness.

"The Lord is my portion," says my soul,

"therefore I will hope in him."

blessed

I don't like to think I set my expectations high for holidays or any kind of plans these days.

I know that with any holiday, when two small children are in the mix, plans won't always go on without a hitch.

However, Mother's Day this year was darn near perfect for me.

Sure there was frustration with the, oh I don't know, million or so tantrums Scott and I dealt with during the day. I was up at 5:30 like every other morning, because my girls don't believe in sleeping past that mark, so I was tired.

BUT...I wouldn't trade the time I was able to spend with my family for anything! I absolutely love being a Mom and watching Lucy and Elly only make me strive to be even an even better Mom for them.

I am truly blessed.

Exactly as I said before...Blessed.

splash park

I took the girls to the splash park today.

Besides the water being absolutely freezing, we had a great time.

The girls spent more time eating their snacks I'm sure, but we saw some old friends who we haven't seen in a while and enjoyed their company.

Elly begged me to say longer as her lips quivered a lovely blue color.

I might take them back tomorrow.

Here are my cuties before we left.

results...kind of

First off, I just want to tell everyone how blessed I feel by the overwhelming responses and support we feel from our friends and family while we navigate through stuff going on in our lives right now. It was pretty incredible getting notification after notification and text after text yesterday of so many people putting us in their thoughts and prayers.

Lucy's MRI went well...once the sedation was on board. Her first IV went bad after 30 minutes or so, but no one knew until we were in the MRI scanning room - ready to give her the medicine. So out we went and about 30 minutes later, there was a new IV in place. By this time she was exhausted (she'd been up since 5:30 with no nap or food) so she was definitely ready for some shut eye. The test lasted about 50 minutes and then we promptly left the hospital.

This is Lucy and I right after her first IV and before the MRI. See what I mean...exhausted!

The Dr's office called this morning with the MRI results...kind of. One thing is for sure. The growths are NOT cancer and will NOT turn into cancer. Praise the Lord! However, because the MRI didn't show much that the physicians didn't already know, Lucy is being referred to an Orthopedic pediatric specialist for further evaluation. I still have to call for an appointment but I'm hoping to been seen sometime within the next two weeks.

Never in my life have I had to rely so much on my faith and trust in God to provide the peace to get me through the anxiety I felt. I am so grateful that whatever going on is not more serious. Yes, I'm still concerned, but no longer fearful of the outcome - no matter what is going on. I know that in tough situations I am able to get through because I'm relying on God get me through, not on myself.

Thanks again for thinking of us!

faith

I acknowledge I've lived most of my adult life out of fear. Fear of not knowing what will happen in my life. Worry and anxiety are just two things I have dealt with pretty regularly. This past January I felt my life shift a little and made the decision to make more of an effort to live my life out faithfully and trust more in the plans God has for me. I feel like this next week I will really be able to gauge just how well I'm succeeding.

Lucy had her 18 month check up this last week. Several months ago the doctor noticed a bump on her right shin and asked me about it. After several minutes of examination, he decided it wasn't anything to be worried about. About a month after that appointment the bump was still there, but since it wasn't any bigger, Scott and I decided not to worry about it and only take her back in unless it grew.

Which brings me to her appointment a couple days ago. I asked the doctor what the bump could be, as it was still there. He examined her again and decided to order an x ray. The x ray showed two spots of some kind of growth on her right tibia. A spot on her shin and another down by her ankle. Our doctor consulted with a pediatric radiologist, and while the radiologist feels confident the spots on Lucy's leg are benign she wants to get an MRI to gather more information about what could be growing in/around/on her bone.

Our MRI is scheduled for Thursday morning. Lucy will probably have to be sedated for the test. To what extent I'm still unsure. I have definitely been known to jump to worst case scenario in any situation. I'm not letting myself do that here. I'm not going to lie though, I've had my break down moments. Every time I hear the song Hillsong United sings called "Take Heart," I weep. I don't know what the tests are going to show. I don't know how much we're going to be responsible for financially and feel stress from that. Despite my stress, I'm finding comfort and peace in several Bible verses that I felt lead to memorize over the last few months.

John 16:33 - I tell you these things that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have tribulation, but take heart, I have overcome this world.

Colossians 1:17 - He is before all things and in him all things hold together.

Ephesians 4:6-7 - Do not be anxious about anything, but with prayer and petition with thanksgiving present your requests to God. And the peace that transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

I know some family and friends have already started praying for us. I don't think I could feel as calm or peaceful without those prayers. If you do pray, would you mind lifting Lucy up this week? Especially Thursday. We already appreciate it!

oatmeal cream pies

I'm thinking maybe, just maybe, I'm started to feel rested up from the last two weeks.

I am so excited that I am starting a week off from work today and my youngest sister, Allyson, is coming to visit AND Scott gets a break from school. I'm eager to get the housework done and weeds pulled so I can just relax for the next few days.

I've started the day with some housework and the girls and I ate Oatmeal Cream Pies for a snack. I feel both responsible and irresponsible :)

motivation

I have felt absolutely no motivation over the last week or so. I just want to do nothing. It's not that I'm tired or anything...just don't want to do anything. Life has been totally crazy the last two weeks. Between working overtime, stress at work, stress at home because I'm working more than usual, not being able to run (because of schedules), Scott working and being out of town for a few days, and learning even more about myself and how God wants me to treat others...whew.

I'm hoping to change the lack of motivation today.